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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {